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Well, you guys are in for a treat. This article, my suddenly Swedish friends, is Random Ramblings; I am now going to well randomly ramble! You know, I always thought it would be cool to have knees the size of watermelons and hooves instead of feet so I could walk with a fashionable limp, it would be even better if my name was Butch Pollabsworth and I was a Civil War buff. Another cool thing would be if I could snap. I just can't frigging snap.... Never could, never will. Actually, it wouldnt be cool to be able to snap. Its kind of like my trademark, not being able to snap. Its sort of sad actually, that I have to stoop to those levels of trademarketcy. I also cant wink with my left eye closed and my right open. It might be because I got a ski pole hurled into my left eye about two years ago by my next door neighbor, who was a 10 year old girl at the time. I think she did it because I was wearing a little plastic crown. Thats always a perfect reason to commit maniacal acts of violence. To be honest with you, the incident was an accident on her part. It was an accidental incident. I wonder what an incidental accident would be like. I should try it sometime.
As most of you may know, I have a passion for horrible movies, especially horrors. The Horrible horrors, the movies that are so bad, theyre actually quite entertaining. Some examples are Planet of the Dinosaurs, Sleepaway Camp, and The Story of Ricky. My close friend [who you can see view in my article which is named CHA CHET (article #38 posted on March 30, 2003)] also enjoys bad movies. We actually have daily usage of Sleepaway Camp quotes such as:
"Good Night."
"Good Night."
"Good Night!"
Theres one thing that goes perfectly with the viewing of Horrible Horrors. Well besides Root Beer Barrels and empty cassette cases of Bing Crosbys White Christmas of course. The number one companion with bad movies is you wont believe this unless youre Connor MacLeod yourself. It is STRAWS.
Yes thats right folks, straws. But the thing is not to drink with them, but to chew them. There are many techniques to chewing straws. But I will not teach you them now, its very difficult to explain in writing. So, if you want to learn, Ill show you in person. Since October, Mr. MacLeod and I have chewed well over 400 of the magnificent plastic drinking tubes that we call straws.
Clown fish are cool. I don't think poisonous coral can hurt them.
Almost every day at school for lunch I buy two baked potatoes with chili, butter, and cheese. Muy delicioco! Our school has great food compared to the crap they had in elementary school. It sounds funny when people call it grade school, or grammar school. Its sort of like the whole backpack/book bag/knapsack deal.
I wonder what pretzels would taste like if they were unsalted.
It would be really cool if there was a guy standing in the corridors of a very familiar high school and he was wearing a t-shirt that said "Famous People in History" on it. Then, when he actually read it, he started screaming and viciously trying to rip it off, but he just couldnt do it. After that, he looked down at his feet where there he wore a pair of red hi-tops two sizes too small. A tear came too his eye, but unlike the shoes, the tear was not two sizes too small; it was just right. That would make my day. No. No it would not make my day. I was lying. Im a bad person.
More Random Ramblings to come later!
(The Following content was originally written by me on 12-19-02 and was posted on Airborneturtle's homepage until now.)
Bill Cosby: Somebody's scruffy lookin...
Han Solo: Who's Scruffy lookin?
Fred Sanford: According to Dictionary.com, the definition of scruffy is
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Shabby; untidy.
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Chiefly British. Scaly; scabby.
You should've known that, you dummy!!!
Han Solo: Look Sanford, I already know what it means...and why the hell am I even scruffier looking in this Holiday Special????
George Lucas: Don't look at me!
Ugly Man: Arrrrrrrrrr, I be shabby and untidy!!!
David Gavron: Don't forget Chiefly British. Scaly; scabby!!!
Ugly Man: Oh yes, That too... matey!
David Gavron: I'm a matey?!?! THAT'S PRETTY SWANK!!!
Fred Sanford: According to Dictionary.com, the definition of swank is...
Jack, Chrissy, and Janet: Shut up Sanford!!!
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