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Duh. Of course Star Wars had a cereal. How the Hell else would people figure out it was popular? It was called C-3PO's. But, it didn't last long on the shelves, so I suppose even the most devout Star Wars fanatics weren't quite ready to give up their Cocoa Puffs. That Sonny was way too engaging. To Kelloggs' credit, C-3P0 was probably the best spokesperson for a Star Wars-themed breakfast. You can't throw Luke on the box - everyone would start thinking about his missing hand and the gooey bloody wrist, causing massive losses of appetite and poor sales. Same with Vader. Chewbacca wouldn't work either, since no one wants to think about the piss stains all over his fur while they're eating. Especially since the cereal tints milk a slight yellow hue. No, 3P0 was the chief candidate. He could convince people that they were hungry in six million languages.
Beat that, Chewy
 The advertisements were great - they used totally new footage, not stock from the films with Anthony Daniels dubbing breakfasty lines over scenes where you knew he was really talking about vaporators. Lucas lucked out by filling his films with so many relative nobodies; they came cheap when it was time to start the merchandising blitz. You get people in the theaters with Harrison, and people eating cereal with Silly Anthony Daniels. It's the best of both worlds. Besides, it's not like Daniels would pass up on a job offer that didn't involve signing his name over and over again at the local bingo hall's comic convention.
Here we see 3P0 and R2 running like heck on the starchy terrain of Tatooine, dodging laser bolts from Imperial ships. But the Empire isn't after them for information on the Rebels' secret base, not this time. No, Emperor Palpatine is just really, really hungry. And unlike Jabba, he refuses to satiate himself with brandy-soaked frogs. The Emperor wants that cereal!
 Palpatine: Did you get the cereal?
Darth Vader: Yes, master.
Palpatine: Did you get the milk?
Darth Vader: Yes.
Palpatine: We have spoons onboard?
Darth Vader: We do, my master.
Palpatine: Did you remember to fetch my favorite bowl from Byss? The one shaped like one of Bigfoot's tires I got at that truck rally last year?
Darth Vader: I remembered, my lord.
Palpatine: Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.
The Droids manage to deliver the cereal safely to their transport, and once they're in space, 3P0 has a chance to explain their inherit goodness and great taste. R2 agrees. Pfft, like either of these guys know what it tastes like. Come on, we're not stupid. Robots don't eat. Even if they did, it'd be stuff like sparkplugs and Nintendo controllers. Not cereal. The fools ain't speaking from experience.
So, what are C-3P0s? Hard to tell. The commercial voice-over explains that they're two loops intertwined, but that's way too literal and doesn't exactly tell us what they're supposed to represent. I always assumed they were Droid gears, but now that I have a closer look, they could be pool rafts. I guess it was just up to the particular eater to decide what they were. It was a neat little game, because if you couldn't come up with an answer, you'd just vent your frustrations by swallowing the pieces.
Kids love 'em....
And aliens love 'em, too! Yay!
Believe it or not, a few collectors actually saved sealed boxes of this junk, and they're still bought, sold, and traded today. I'm not sure I could resist ripping open the box and eating it if I ever found one, even if the cereal is almost twenty years old. Maybe it ages well, like wine or cheese, or Morgan Fairchild.
Hey, why does that guy have an ass on his head?
C-3P0 came, saw, and conquered the breakfast table. When Episode II came out, they started marketing new Star Wars-themed cereals, but holy sweet Jesus did they ever taste terrible.So it all makes sense.I'd hold out hope and say they might return someday, but let's face it, there's a better chance of Episode III meeting critical acclaim. Oh well. They tasted good while they lasted.
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