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I've decided to post the rest of the article tonight!!! Yipee!!!
Amazingly enough, the sequel to this movie would find a way to get even more bizarre, as the Leprechaun manages to land himself in da hood. Oh well, there's always next time. For now, we've got to piece together this intricate puzzle and try to make sense out of what's going on. So, by this point:
* The Leprechaun is aboard the shuttle, alongside his princess.
* Some Marines are dead, others are not.
* Dr. Mittenhand's whereabouts are currently undetermined - and he's full of spider DNA.
* The princess not only has human disease-fighting DNA, but a pretty nice set.
Now that we're up to speed, let's continue. The lead Marine, the one with the big plate in his head, appears to be under a Leprechaun spell that not only tells him to kill his comrades, but that he's also a dancing transvestite. God, I love this movie.
 
Since the captain is being so crazy, the other Marines kill him. Luckily, there's not too much reason for guilt, since he turns out to be a robot. Gotta love completely unnecessary scenes that do nothing to enhance the plot. Especially when they're handed to you at a rate of around six per minute.
Dr. Mittenhand was last scene with a suspicious needle sticking out of his head. The end results are pretty phenomenal. Movies have given us some great mutations. Jeff Goldblum turned into a fly and vomited all over his food. That dude from Total Recall ripped off his arm and showed the world his true mutant heritage. Mittenhand ups the ante in a big way, though.
 
Yep, he's turned into a giant, heaping mass of spider and scorpion parts. He doesn't look anything like either, but rather more of an interesting pile of red plastic, but the point gets across when he announces his new name: 'Dr. Mittenspider.' I wish I was kidding, but if you've seen the movie, you'd know that this fits in perfectly with the rest of the script. Obviously, whatever humanity a cyborg half-human has was completely annihilated by the whole spider-mutation thing, so the Marines should keep an eye out for this guy. Unfortunately, they have bigger problems. Much bigger problems.
What do you do when your movie is so awful that the only way to save face is to do something that nobody could possibly expect? Well, let's review some past examples. Career Opportunities shocked the world by having the kids escape the mall. Blair Witch 2 shocked the world by apparently forgetting to include an ending to the movie. In the case of Leprechaun IV, we get a different approach.
 
They turn the Leprechaun into a giant. I think he got nailed by some mega-ray that just happened to be laying around, but the point is, its not going to be easy defeating a guy who already survived exploding once and who's now 40' tall. Luckily, by this point, everyone in the movie realized that the 13 hours in total they spent shooting was approximately six more hours than the movie deserved, so things wrap up pretty quick. The good guys lock Leppy in one of the room, and open the giant hangar doors, sucking him into the cold and heartless vacuum of space...
 
Since he's previously shown that he explodes into pieces fairly easily, the Leprechaun is no match for outer space's anti-pressure, so he explodes again. Only this time, there's no Marines around to piss on him and bring him back to life. Tragic really, because I could've stood at least another two hours of this film. IF TODAY WAS OPPOSITE DAY HAHA! As for Dr. Mittenspider, the hot chick offed him too. Don't blame her for it - the spider was trying to eat her. There's no crime in self-defense, and its not like giant mutant spiders have any great place in society anyway. It was all for the best.
We close out with a kiss, as the Leprechaun's giant, amputee hand gives the remaining Marines the finger. Jesus, you guys really need to go rent this one. I'm not kidding, its virtually my new bible.
Overall Scoring: Leprechaun IV is a shitty, shitty movie. But its kinda supposed to be - you can tell that nobody took this project seriously, so neither should we. That doesn't make it any less hilarious to watch, though. Because of the nature of this movie's follow-up, which features Leppy as a rappin' home boy, Leprechaun In Space hasn't been seen by too many cult movie enthusiasts. Trust me on this one, its worth seeing. Nothing too gross or violent, but still chock full of crap.
And like I said, the Leprechaun is my new hero. I've been going around town all day asking people to piss on my head.
MY Score : (out of a possible ten)
RAVEN-SYMONE'S Score : (out of a possible ten)
4
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